Alum Column

Living on-campus is a privilege. Studies show that students who live on campus have a higher retention rate and are more likely to be social and succeed in college, versus commuter students. Students that live on-campus typically come from more privileged backgrounds and have a higher socioeconomic status versus students who can’t afford to live on campus, pay for school and work full-time to support a household.

That was me. Roommates with my single mom, a full-time student, a full-time employee , trying so hard to thrash, party, study and just be a college student. I wanted to rock pajamas on the quad and split milkshakes with my roommates. I wanted to post pictures of my new dorm and have something to do or somewhere to go after fish camp was over. That’s the thing about St. Thomas - student life as a commuter is difficult to find, unless you search the right places and the right people.

My first semester of freshman year of college started like any stereotypical Pakistani kid’s does: pre-med, dorky, living with your parents and choosing a career your parents chose for you.  I remember asking repetitive questions in chemistry classes, the rolling eyes looking up at me, the hisses, the “ughs,” the multiple feelings hopelessness, unhappy, friendless and lonesome, a poor soul thrown in the brink of adulthood.

Soon, I realized some fields are just not for everyone. I quickly visited the college and changed my degree to my one true passion, literature.

My first year of college was still going by pretty lonely. I had “friends” who were really people you run into who pretend to know everything about you or have a conversation with them about school, work, boys you could care less about. I was basically bored out of my mind.

My second year of college started and again, I returned to envying on-campusers and dealt with unfriendly commuters, rushing to the garage after class. How does one make friends in such desolation?

I quickly decided to change all of this. I started scheduling more dates on campus with my friends, bought a bike, hopped around some coffee shops and made a resolution to become active on campus. Joining clubs helped but really it’s about finding something you feel passionate about. Find a cause and start to do something about it.

College is a metamorphosis. These prime years will affect you for the rest of your life. Your education, your passion, and your will may never be this high in life. You’re adapting values, behaviors and emotions that will determine who you are in the next five or fifty years. So get up, go out, get weird, make friends, do dumb things now.

My third and final years in college were the best. It does get better but, only because I fought through the manic pessimism and decided I was going to create the college experience for myself. So what if my roommate was a 53-year-old unemployed mom? So what if there were times I wanted to be there for Girl X’s birthday but I had to bag cookies at the deli I worked at part time? St. Thomas couldn’t give me the college experience if I didn’t want to receive it. In my last two years of college, I became President of the Council of Clubs, President of the English Honor Society, and won a hot date at the date auction. I put myself out there and was rewarded. I became friends with people I resented freshman year, ate wings for six weeks straight, won a national competition and thought I fell in love.

Commuters, you are not alone. On campusers, you aren’t either. Unlike University of Texas’ multiple fraternities and miserable hazes, you’re at a school that eliminates all of that, teaches you to find yourself and make friends based on their values rather their age, sex, race or ability to handle keggers.

You can make this experience tolerable or make that dime worth every single penny.

Until next time,

Marium